


Lost On You: Mudblood - First year

by Leeuwin



Series: Lost On You [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: An usual year at Hogwarts, And now I'm talking to myself, Angst, Book 1: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Bullying, But here she was, Daydreaming, Draco Malfoy Being Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy is a Brat, Enemies, Female Anti-Hero, Gen, Great., Harry Potter is life, Hogwarts, Hogwarts First Year, How didn't I write this earlier?, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't change the original plot, I tried to stay close to canon, I try not to interfere with lore, I'm not at all in love with Draco, Jerks, Loneliness, Lost On You, Magic, Mudblood, Muggle-born, My First Work in This Fandom, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Running Away, She didn't want to be there, She doesn't even have a wand, She doesn't know anything about magic, She just wants to fit, Slytherin, The Sorting Hat, The whole fic is Angst, Trust Issues, What the Hell, Why is she there anyway?, Wizarding World (Harry Potter), You Have Been Warned, but she's not welcome, cough cough, inspired by "Lost on you' by LP, like not at all, okay maybe I am, sequel incoming, some headcanons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24440308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leeuwin/pseuds/Leeuwin
Summary: Swallowing her saliva, she headed for the Sorting Hat. Her eyelids blinked in apprehension of what would forever seal her fate.Her heart was beating like crazy. Shivering, she sat down, awaiting the sentence. Her eyes met Draco's, as she wondered what she was doing there. The glare he sent her only confirmed her fears: she was nothing but a stranger here.Dead silence filled the room when the voice finally rose:- Slytherin!
Series: Lost On You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765087





	1. A winter night in London

January 31, 1990 was a day like any other for the average person. But for Dorian Adrian Buckley, it was the long-awaited birth of his second child. Lorianna was going to be lucky enough to inherit his magnificent gray eyes as well as his chin dimple. She would become a superb young woman, whose beauty would equal the greatness of soul.

Dorian had planned to check the date on his pocket calendar with red felt pen, something he will never do. Said object will remain intact in the glove compartment of the old Beetle until the sale of the car, two years later.

Nor will he hear his daughter's first words, nor will he see his face.

For Dorian Adrian Buckley, January 31, 1990 marked a decisive turning point. Indeed, that very day, at precisely 11.34 p.m., he had ceased to live.


	2. Trapped in a bird box

Meri was not happy. Since the death of her father in this tragic car accident, nothing made sense anymore. The sky was gray, the birds were only singing a deathly requiem, and even the River Thames seemed to have lost its yesteryear charm.

Nothing was the same again, and nothing will ever be. A page of history had just turned, spreading a trail of dust behind it.

Meri was not like the other kids. She did not go to school, having a formal forbidding of leaving the house. She knew nothing of the little pleasures of life, her world being only made up of four walls. Merry go round ? Go to the zoo ? Eating an ice cream in a park and playing hide and seek for hours? All these activities were unknown to the poor kid, however, she never complained. She could not miss freedom, she who had never known it.

She had no friends, remaining cloistered from morning to night in her glass prison. Her mother hadn't been teaching her at home for a long time already, probably because of the baby. The forties had enough to take care of Lorianna, she was not going to waste her precious time to educate her eldest daughter!

From time to time, Meri liked to stick her face to the window, dreaming of another universe where everything would be possible.

Where magic would exist.

*****

Meri was only ten and a half years old when she learned that her beloved dad would no longer come home. Furthermore, she hadn't cried when the babysitter's comforting arms wrapped around her tiny shoulders. She had just nodded, as if lost in a distant, unreal world.

The camellias from the Chinese porcelain vase adorning the lounge buffet had only been picked that morning; however, at 11.40 p.m., they were no more than withered petals.


	3. Swallow

_To fly away._

It was Meri's dearest wish. To no longer have to bear the terrible weight of bitterness and suffering.

To become one with herself, finally.

To forget her grief.

To forget that despite the facts, _everything was her fault_.

That she hadn't been there for her father.

That she had done _nothing_.

She hadn't even moved a finger to save him, too busy playing little horses with Marianne and her stupid piss yellow sweater! Her mother had however repeatedly told her not to wear this color in winter because it brought bad luck. Where did she get it from, that dime-store superstition, by the way? Surely from her great-aunt Jeannette, or from the madwoman of the district, Miss Pastry. 

Well... It didn't matter. Because, in her stubbornness, the kid had disobeyed. She had waited for her father to take Meredith to the nearest hospital before rushing into her closet like fury.

"What's all this upheaval for? asked Marianne, the babysitter with silicone breasts.

\- I'm dressing.

\- But you're already in pajamas, Mari.

\- It's Meri, replied the girl with an adorable pout. And, I'm cold. I want to put on a sweater. "

The other then raised an eyebrow and burst the bubble of chewing gum she had chewed for an hour.

And this is how she probably killed her own father: _with a goddamn_ _faded sweater !_ If she hadn't insisted so much, blinded by her eternal need to have the last word, Dorian might be there with her today. He would take her in his protective arms and spin her in the air like when she was five years old, he would cover her with kisses and tell her stories, he...

But it was too late. Dorian Adrian Buckley had gone to distant lands forever, and would never return. Meri was all alone. And although she looked strong for her young age, this constant loneliness gnawed her from the inside, like worms gnaw at the rotting flesh of corpses.

_To fly away. How wonderful it would be_ , thought the kid, contemplating the sky outside.

A swallow had just landed on the fence opposite.

_If only I were this swallow... I would fly as far as I want, without looking behind me, with no one to hold me back. Maybe I would meet other children like me, lost, condemned to wander in a world that does not want them. Maybe I will make friends, who knows?_

Meri had grown up prematurely, without even realizing it. She was not aware of it, but her mind was already that of a well-grown person full of ambition animated by a deep desire for revenge.

*****

The Man took a step forward, laughing to lose breath under his dreadful mask. As always, he towered over her and, ignoring the heartbreaking sobs, knelt at her level.

The sentence he then whispered resounded in the dark in a sinister echo, and it was there that she found herself lifted from the ground by an unparalleled force. And, in accordance with her expectations, her father ran to save her from the Monster's grip.

"Meri, run!" He shouted, but already his voice was lost in the darkness. And she remained frozen in place like a marble statue, incapable of the slightest gesture.

It was always at this precise moment that the child woke up. Every night, she had the same nightmare, every night, she saw this Man smile - yes, she clearly distinguished his awful grin - behind his evil mask.

"Daddy! No!"

Her heart ready to explode, Meri suddenly straightened up, causing the springs of her bed to crack. The candy pink blanket her mother had just ironed - "I should take care of your sister rather than doing your laundry, Meri; look at all the time I am wasting" - had taken on a strange yellowish shade. An icy chill ran through the girl's body, who immediately burst into tears.

_I introduce to you Ignis Meredith Buckley, also known as Meri. Eleven years in a few hours, and still peeing in bed like a vulgar toddler!_

At those times, Meri really wanted to slap herself. How could she be so fragile, so stupid, so... weak? So little worthy of her father?

She let out a long sigh which of regret and desolation, before turning her gaze to the ceiling. "I'm so sorry, Daddy..."


	4. The Flight

Today, Ignis Meredith Buckley, aka Meri, has turned eleven years old.

Her mother probably hadn't baked a birthday cake for her, dedicating most of her time to Lorianna, but she didn't care anyway.

Today was August 1, 1990. It was exceptionally hot outside compared to previous summers, and Meri had put on the white silk little dress her grandmother Lilianne had given her at Christmas. It was the first time she wore it and, to believe the neighbor, it _perfectly_ _suited_ her.

"You shouldn't be dressing in plain clothes. You might get stained," her mother said dryly. But once again, the girl had been too obstinate and the adult had finally given in.

This was Ignis "Meri" Buckley's main flaw: she couldn't retreat. As soon as something caught her curiosity or attention, the kid _had_ to get it. This personality trait had repeatedly harmed her, as evidenced by this cursed sweater that must have been rotting in a dump at that very moment.

It wasn't for lack of trying to correct herself, though, but Meri was just a miserable kid. She could not have done anything to change the course of things, blaming herself for tragedies for which she was not responsible, and could not even count on the support of her mother.

*****

Meredith Sonia Buckley, née Fausset, was of French origin. She was born in Paris and had never left the capital until her thirties, when she won a trip to the United Kingdom in a gardening magazine. She fell in love twice: first, with England, then with a handsome bartender known by the name of Dorian Buckley. They settled together a few months later, in a quiet part of London, and quickly got married.

Meredith had always wanted to have a daughter. At the hospital, she exclaimed that she wanted to call her Ignis, the first name that came to mind.

"Well, go for Ignis," retorted the midwife, shrugging her shoulders, as if it was up to her to judge the decision.

Meredith quickly became disillusioned with the joys of becoming a mother. She who had previously sworn to bring all the love in the world to her future child, was incredibly cold. At least, that's how the baby felt it. It is said that a newborn can easily distinguish good from bad people, and it was certainly no coincidence that the infant's instinctive reaction when she saw her procreator for the first time was to burst into tears.

*****

The little girl cried when Miss Pastry's cat walked around the block with a dying chickadee in its ajar mouth. Its fangs glistened as it proudly displayed its hunting trophy. She chased the animal with boundless rage that hardly resembled her, threatening it with her clenched fist. Her heart was racing in her chest and she had to stop to catch her breath. She was in the middle of the road when her legs could no longer support her weight. She, who could hardly go out of her house, was sprawled on the pavement in her beautiful immaculate dress.

What an idiot she was: throwing a fit instead of taking advantage of this beautiful, sunny day to have fun. _Birthdays are for laughs, not to cry like a baby!_

But wherever she looked, Meri could only see this horrible tomcat and the corpse of its victim.

Wherever she looked, she saw herself, terrified and trapped.

She came to the dreadful conclusion that she was a bird that had never learned to fly. A bird that would soon have to choose between getting out of its box at the risk of facing an army of cats with sharp claws and staying forever in its cell.

She looked nostalgically at the house that had taken her hostage for so long, and straightened up despite the pain.

Today, Ignis Meredith Buckley, aka Meri, had turned eleven years old.

And she had chosen freedom.

She had chosen danger.

She had chosen life.

**Author's Note:**

> After 22 years, I've finally decided it would be great to write a HP fic (phewww, it was about time!), since I'm a HUGE fan since the day I was born.  
> Keep in mind, I didn't read all the books, and it's been a very VERY long time since I last did, so I might be missing some things (feel free to come and tell me if I get anything wrong!).
> 
> Also, thanks in advance for reading, and (hopefully) liking and commenting this!
> 
> XOXO


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